I have decided to rewrite the ‘about me’ section of this blog as I feel it’s time I was completely open about my story. For many years, I’ve been deeply embarrassed (and in some places guilt ridden) about the path I once walked. I now realise that it’s just part of me and that we all have a history. Although mine may be different from others, it’s also part of who I am. It made me into the person I am now, dirt n all!
I’m Scottish born, but grew up in the south of England. Although being thoroughly loved by my family I grew to be deeply unhappy with myself and my life. I was abused as a small child by a family ‘friend’ but had pretty much blocked this out until a certain event in my teenage years. I understandably was a very confused, messed up and needy child. I tried to be the helper, the pleaser, the achiever and the perfectionist; I was unsuccessful at all. I tried to be loved, accepted and liked by everyone around me. I told lies, over-exaggerated things and I was desperate for attention and love and sought it out in all the wrong places. My depression and self-loathing spiralled out of control and I only felt happy when taking drugs or drinking. I regularly cut myself, suffered from eating disorders and planned my own suicide in far too much detail and far too often. I blamed myself for everything around me, hated who I was, how I looked, and was constantly looking for something or someone to make me happy. Life pretty much sucked!
Over the years I became quite unwell, suffering for many years from insomnia, IBS, food intolerances, headaches, fatigue and obviously depression. As I moved into my 20s the issues lessened somewhat. Although there were times when the depression and fatigue got better, they never went away.
Eventually after catching a very bad stomach bug in India that lasted for months, I contracted glandular fever. Which then turned into ME/CFS. I now understand that I had been wondering around with adrenal fatigue for many years prior to getting ME/CFS and this was why I had nothing left to fight with.
Why am I telling you all this?
Today, I have not only recovered from ME/CFS, but I have actually recovered from all my previous illnesses and feel more alive, well and happy than I ever thought possible. Most people would not agree with, or believe me but I am grateful for ME/CFS and what it taught me. It literally gave me my life back!
When I was finally diagnosed with ME/CFS I thought that was that, I pretty much gave up. I thought ‘what’s the point in carrying on like this’. I started contemplating suicide again and my health quickly deteriorated. I was soon restricted to spending most of my time in bed. I hated what had become of me and even more I hated the pressure I put on my already extremely busy husband. No one else seemed to care or worry about me and again I was desperate for attention and love.
Then about 3 or 4 years into the ME/CFS I read the most amazing book (and then watched the film), called ‘The Way of The Peaceful Warrior’ by Dan Millman. This book made me realise although I couldn’t do what others could, I could also do things they couldn’t. I had the time to meditate, to watch nature (initially from my window) and to really appreciate the beauty of life. Slowly, with the writings of David Hamilton, Bruce Lipton, and many others, I started to look for all the little positive things in my life instead of focusing on the negative. Aided with a whole string of other natural treatments and therapies and reducing the toxicity of my mind, body and home, I started too slowly gain some of my life back. I realised quite early on in my recovery that I did not want to go back to the life I had, had, why would I? I had been mostly miserable, ill and stressed, that life (I had been fighting to return to) had made me ill. So instead I focused on creating a new healthy, happy and more authentic life for myself. It took me a further 2.5 years before I was ME/CFS free and I then found that not only was I free from this, but I was also free from all the other issues I had always had.
I am no longer anyone’s victim, I now no longer care what people think of me, I am learning every day to be more authentic (listening to my inner self) and not to listen to, or engage with those toxic thought patterns (my own or other people’s). I deeply love and adore my husband; I have three amazingly naughty, but very loving dogs (our fur-babies as my friends like to call them). I have lots of loving family and friends and I really feel like I have found my calling – that ‘thing’ that makes my heart sing! And considering my dyslexia, I never thought that ‘thing’ would be writing for, and teaching others.
I have trained in many therapies and am also a qualified nutritional and food intolerance consultant. I see one to one clients and lead workshops, demo’s, and talks in teaching people how to live less toxic lives. This includes our toxic thoughts, foods, cosmetics, cleaning products, and home. I’ve done this to help others regain health and happiness both mentally and physically and to also help our beautiful planet.
I have various pages and places I share my work and I am also writing a couple of books, so if you would like to stick around and see how the rest of my storey unfolds, or if you are interested in less toxic living for yourself and the planet, then check out some of the below links:
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